A little bit of paradise

I have not been writing much recently, and after reading a beautiful post on a blog that I follow I started to wonder why. I write quite a lot, normally poetry but also just little bits and bobs that over the years I have given to people as gifts. However, apart from my partner, I have never felt they have been appreciated fully. Especially because they have come from somewhere deep inside me which I feel can be a rather vunerable place. But hopefully I can start just letting it flow on here again, but its difficult sometimes, and sometimes I wish I had not been so free in giving a lot of people this address as I feel I am censoring myself somehow, in order to fit in with the way in which they perceive me or still wish me to be.

I have been having a lot of things come up emotionally right now, a lot of things that happened in my childhood that weren't so great and that affected how I was as a teenager and later still. Its hard even now even to remember some of those things, a lot of them I have blanked out completely and they only come back to me in dribs and drabs, but it always shocks me when they do come back.

I wish so much I could go and give my younger self what I was aching for, and meet the needs that I had at that age. Perhaps then I could have avoided so much suffering later on. But on the other hand, they have helped form me into who I am today-a very strong, independent women who knows her own mind and is allowing her son the space to bring himself up to be a most amazing and inspiring being. Every day I am in awe of him and how he relates to the world around him. At just 8 months he brings joy to all he meets with a smile or a wave or reaching out for their hand if they look sad. *I* am doing this. *I* am amazing.

And I love where we live-we have a hare, a family of squirels, too many birds to mention and of course the ponies living interwovenly with us, and its so beautiful. I am loving sitting outside and resting in the stillness and beauty of it all with Oakley crawling across the grass exploring and waving, and Chip and Dale munching contentedly, with my lovely husband. Paradise indeed.